Transcript: Jerry Jackson Gets Messy at Scunthorpe Music Festival

Jerry: This year, I am here at the Scunthorpe Music Summer Festival, and we're going to see Linkin Park.

Jon: Jerry, I don't think Linkin Park are playing the Scunthorpe Festival this year.

Jerry: Well what, who are playing then?

Jon: Fats and Small on the main stage, and there is Doop, Lou Bega, Rolf Harris, and Kate Mash.

Jerry: Jon, this is bollocks. Why did we go to this bollocks festival? I have not heard of any of them.

Jon: Jerry, this is all the butch it would allow.

Jerry: Jon has just been recently sacked. We are now holding auditions for a new Jon.

Replacement Jon (Jon 2): Hello, Jerry. I would like to be the replacement of Jon.

Jerry: What skills do you have?

Jon 2: I am really good at sunglasses.

Jerry: Let's see a sample. Very nice. Good. I think you should be in Top Man. You have got the job!

Oh look! It is grassy at this festival. Don't you think so, New Jon?

Jon 2: Jerry, yes, yes, yes it is really really grassy. What a grassy day we have here at the Scunthorpe festival with fans such as Clock.

Jerry: To enjoy this music festival to the maximum potential, me and Replacement Jon have got some ketamine, and some MDMA, and some microdots.

Jon 2: Jerry, they all sound really tasty. I think we should do the microdots first. Have you got a microwave to put them in?

Jerry: Yes. Look at this T-shirt what I have bought. It says "Pure Hatred", which is sums of what I am emotional and I've got I understand feelings too. And just cause I'm a kid, it does not mean I have not got the answers. Replacement Jon also bought a T-shirt what says, "Manteaser" on it.

Jon 2: I am a tease, cause I am. Oh look, there's a spider on your shoulder. Aaaahh, got you!

Jerry: He is getting me every time with that one. Could I have a warm bottle of Coca-Cola please?

Man: That'll be £200.

Jerry: Lol. Last night at the festival was well funny. This guy came up towards and he had lost his asthma inhaler and he was choking loads. And we was just proper laughing and finding it really funny. And so we set his tent on fire, and then loads of other people came over and put other tents on. It made me feel like I was in a special new place where there are no rules and everyone is like, it was like, well good.

Security guards are rate dicks. Look, we are just walking along and we are not doing anything. But Jon has got his dick out and he is weeing on people's tents, but that apart from that, we are not doing anything, and the security guy comes up and he shoots Jon in the head with a bow and arrow.

Jerry: He has not donot, you dick. He was just enjoying the festival, you dick.

Jon 2: Yeah, get off me, you nazi dick.

Jerry: O M G, this is police brutality.

At the end of the festival, we both got arrested.

Please don't tell my dad what I've done.

The End.