Transcript: Things U Need 2 No!

Jerry: Things you need to know. These, Hello, my name is Jerry Jackson. And thing, these are the things you need to know. "Geography". The world is rate massiver than we first thought. It would take forever to go to it so we don't bother.

"Dogs"

Jerry: Dogs are stupider than people but can chase things better than us. My dog Ben sniffs most things. Don't sniff that lady's fanny.

Ben the dog: I am sniffing for drugs. Your snatch is clean, lady. You are free to go, madam.

Lady: Thank you, Ben.

"Current Events"

Jerry: Oh no, the top stories tonight. Man dead, woman dead, lady dead, dog dead, 2 four dogs have dead, Jon's dead, body found, missing body, missing dog dead, old couple stabbed, strangled, murdered, dead bodies, four more dead dogs, a dead cat, pigeons, dogs, and dead bastards and, oh, this man's a bastard. Look at this bastard. And a lighter news today there has been a dog stuck in a tree in Rotherham. I think it's dead. Here is Jon with the sport.

Jon: Jerry, the sportsmen have all been dead for years. No one has noticed. They have been replaced with little plastic dogs. Horse racing has been cancelled.

Jerry: Thank you, Jon. That was a really good update on the world of the sport and how everyone is sports. I'm bored of doing the news now. That was my news bit. Thank you. "Maths". This is a quick module on the matics of the math.

Jon: Thank you, Jerry. Astrocolarium. This is a Pontultrilogiax, and here is a Bungultengeesh. These are all complex things what you probably do not know about. If we calculate the edge of this to the square route of this number over here, and some numbers and letters together, so that it looks really confusing, put things in brackets and look, you have got the answer. 7899999922484444444478489825b and a C G A. That is the answer to a really hard question about sums.

Jerry: Here is some quick learnings for you. Repeat after me. "Road". "Phone". "Dry White Whine". Please pay attention. Don't forget these ones. "Purple". Now you have caught up on all the things in the world that you need to know. You can now get on with your life. Thank you.

The End.